999 Quotes Regarding Funny

---

There's no better feeling in the world than a warm pizza box on your lap.
Kevin James

People always ask me, 'Were you funny as a child?' Well, no, I was an accountant.
Ellen DeGeneres

If I had to live my life again, I'd make the same mistakes, only sooner.
Tallulah Bankhead

Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease.
Bill Maher

All the candy corn that was ever made was made in 1911.
Lewis Black

Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV.
Jerry Seinfeld

Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing.
Robert Benchley

If truth is beauty, how come no one has their hair done in the library?
Lily Tomlin

You see much more of your children once they leave home.
Lucille Ball

One man's folly is another man's wife.
Helen Rowland

Never raise your hand to your children - it leaves your midsection unprotected.
Robert Orben

I'd luv to kiss ya, but I just washed my hair.
Bette Davis

I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
Woody Allen

If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners.
Johnny Carson

If I want to knock a story off the front page, I just change my hairstyle.
Hillary Clinton

TV is chewing gum for the eyes.
Frank Lloyd Wright

I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.
Emo Philips

Don't forget Mother's Day. Or as they call it in Beverly Hills, Dad's Third Wife Day.
Jay Leno

Boy, those French: they have a different word for everything!
Steve Martin

I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.
Billy Connolly