999 Quotes Regarding Funny

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I'm not a real movie star. I've still got the same wife I started out with twenty-eight years ago.
Will Rogers

A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
Spike Milligan

I'm undaunted in my quest to amuse myself by constantly changing my hair.
Hillary Clinton

Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public.
H. L. Mencken

Age is something that doesn't matter, unless you are a cheese.
Luis Bunuel

Every man's dream is to be able to sink into the arms of a woman without also falling into her hands.
Jerry Lewis

The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.
Phyllis Diller

My Father had a profound influence on me. He was a lunatic.
Spike Milligan

Food, love, career, and mothers, the four major guilt groups.
Cathy Guisewite

A lot of baby boomers are baby bongers.
Kevin Nealon

When we talk to God, we're praying. When God talks to us, we're schizophrenic.
Jane Wagner

The superfluous, a very necessary thing.
Voltaire

The next time you have a thought... let it go.
Ron White

What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?
W. Clement Stone

It's simple, if it jiggles, it's fat.
Arnold Schwarzenegger

When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.
Rita Rudner

Fashions have done more harm than revolutions.
Victor Hugo

If you want to be thought a liar, always tell the truth.
Logan P. Smith

It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.
Dave Barry

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.
Rodney Dangerfield