999 Quotes Regarding Funny


Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid.
Hedy Lamarr

I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.
Lily Tomlin

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.
Steven Wright

A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.
Jerry Seinfeld

Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.
Bill Cosby

Weather forecast for tonight: dark.
George Carlin

A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's: She changes it more often.
Oliver Herford

I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.
Rodney Dangerfield

All right everyone, line up alphabetically according to your height.
Casey Stengel

Recession is when a neighbor loses his job. Depression is when you lose yours.
Ronald Reagan

I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
W. C. Fields

I'm an idealist. I don't know where I'm going, but I'm on my way.
Carl Sandburg

Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.
Margaret Mead

All generalizations are false, including this one.
Mark Twain

The only time a woman really succeeds in changing a man is when he is a baby.
Natalie Wood

I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
Fred Allen

It takes considerable knowledge just to realize the extent of your own ignorance.
Thomas Sowell

Everybody knows how to raise children, except the people who have them.
P. J. O'Rourke

My most brilliant achievement was my ability to be able to persuade my wife to marry me.
Winston Churchill

By all means let's be open-minded, but not so open-minded that our brains drop out.
Richard Dawkins