My mother was against me being an actress - until I introduced her to Frank Sinatra. Angie Dickinson
All my children inherited perfect pitch. Chevy Chase
I'm thankful for the three ounce Ziploc bag, so that I have somewhere to put my savings. Paula Poundstone
Whoever is my relative, I will not be nice to them. George Lopez
I'm a misplaced American, but don't know where I was misplaced. Ruby Wax
I would talk in iambic pentameter if it were easier. Howard Nemerov
Parrots make great pets. They have more personality than goldfish. Chevy Chase
If man knew how women pass the time when they are alone, they'd never marry. O. Henry
Here in Hollywood you can actually get a marriage license printed on an Etch-A-Sketch. Dennis Miller
I have a very low level of recognition, which is fine by me. Dylan Moran
I'm kidding about having only a few dollars. I might have a few dollars more. James Brown
I'd never been in play long enough for the flowers to die in the dressing room. Mercedes McCambridge
I'm the only man in the world with a marriage licence made out to whom it may concern. Mickey Rooney
Someone told me that when they go to Vermont, they feel like they're home. I'm that way at Saks. Caroline Rhea
Trust is hard to come by. That's why my circle is small and tight. I'm kind of funny about making new friends. Eminem
I was asked to act when I couldn't act. I was asked to sing 'Funny Face' when I couldn't sing, and dance with Fred Astaire when I couldn't dance - and do all kinds of things I wasn't prepared for. Then I tried like mad to cope with it. Audrey Hepburn
There is hope for the future because God has a sense of humor and we are funny to God. Bill Cosby
Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh. George Bernard Shaw
From there to here, and here to there, funny things are everywhere. Dr. Seuss
It's a funny thing that when a man hasn't anything on earth to worry about, he goes off and gets married. Robert Frost