Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays. Henny Youngman on anniversary
I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me. Henny Youngman on anniversary
My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash. Henny Youngman on car
I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car. Henny Youngman on car
My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad but New York City? Henny Youngman on dad
If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late. Henny Youngman on funny
If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving. Henny Youngman on funny
This man used to go to school with his dog. Then they were separated. His dog graduated! Henny Youngman on graduation
I played a great horse yesterday! It took seven horses to beat him. Henny Youngman on great
What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money. Henny Youngman on happiness
Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means. Henny Youngman on home
Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means. Henny Youngman on love
Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means. Henny Youngman on marriage
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret. Henny Youngman on marriage
She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face. Henny Youngman on marriage
Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays. Henny Youngman on marriage
When I told my doctor I couldn't afford an operation, he offered to touch-up my X-rays. Henny Youngman on medical
I've got all the money I'll ever need, if I die by four o'clock. Henny Youngman on money
What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money. Henny Youngman on money
If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late. Henny Youngman on morning