I got a Valentine's Day card from my girl. It said, 'Take my heart! Take my arms! Take my lips!' Which is just like her. Keeping the best part for herself. Robert Orben on best
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work. Robert Orben on business
To err is human - and to blame it on a computer is even more so. Robert Orben on computers
Don't think of it as failure. Think of it as time-released success. Robert Orben on failure
Quit worrying about your health. It will go away. Robert Orben on fitness
Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get. Robert Orben on food
Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get. Robert Orben on funny
Never raise your hand to your children - it leaves your midsection unprotected. Robert Orben on funny
Washington is a place where politicians don't know which way is up and taxes don't know which way is down. Robert Orben on government
A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that 'individuality' is the key to success. Robert Orben on graduation
Happiness is a very small desk and a very big wastebasket. Robert Orben on happiness
Older people shouldn't eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get. Robert Orben on health
Quit worrying about your health. It will go away. Robert Orben on health
Inflation is bringing us true democracy. For the first time in history, luxuries and necessities are selling at the same price. Robert Orben on history
I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home. Robert Orben on home
In prehistoric times, mankind often had only two choices in crisis situations: fight or flee. In modern times, humor offers us a third alternative fight, flee - or laugh. Robert Orben on humor
I remember when humor was gentle pokes. I used to call it 'arm around the shoulder' humor. Now they go for the jugular and they take no prisoners. It's mean, mean stuff. Robert Orben on humor
Humor starts like a wildfire, but then continues on, smoldering, smoldering for years. Robert Orben on humor
Every morning I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work. Robert Orben on morning
I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home. Robert Orben on parenting