Little islands of human happiness, peace, and prosperity are so exceptional at this point in history that I'm not even sure we can draw lessons from them. P. J. O'Rourke on peace
Never wear anything that panics the cat. P. J. O'Rourke on pet
The good news is that, according to the Obama administration, the rich will pay for everything. The bad news is that, according to the Obama administration, you're rich. P. J. O'Rourke on politics
The Democrats are the party that says government will make you smarter, taller, richer, and remove the crabgrass on your lawn. The Republicans are the party that says government doesn't work and then they get elected and prove it. P. J. O'Rourke on politics
When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first things to be bought and sold are legislators. P. J. O'Rourke on politics
Ideology, politics and journalism, which luxuriate in failure, are impotent in the face of hope and joy. P. J. O'Rourke on politics
Fiscal conservatism is just an easy way to express something that is a bit more difficult, which is that the size and scope of government, and really the size and scope of politics in our lives, has grown uncomfortable, unwieldy, intrusive and inefficient. P. J. O'Rourke on politics
Politics are for foreigners with their endless wrongs and paltry rights. Politics are a lousy way to get things done. Politics are, like God's infinite mercy, a last resort. P. J. O'Rourke on politics
Positive rights are the right to shelter, the right to education, the right to health care, the right to a living wage. These things are - these are, I would call them, more properly, political rights rather than positive rights. And they are extremely tricky, because now we are dealing with things that are zero sum. P. J. O'Rourke on positive
Anyway, no drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society. If we're looking for the source of our troubles, we shouldn't test people for drugs, we should test them for stupidity, ignorance, greed and love of power. P. J. O'Rourke on power
Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. P. J. O'Rourke on power
I think it's been hard for people to understand how Islam can be a good religion, and yet the Islamists are evil. Those of us who have had experience with Islam understand this, just as we understand the difference between snake handlers and people going to church on Sunday morning. P. J. O'Rourke on religion
Anyway, no drug, not even alcohol, causes the fundamental ills of society. If we're looking for the source of our troubles, we shouldn't test people for drugs, we should test them for stupidity, ignorance, greed and love of power. P. J. O'Rourke on society
The idea of capitalism is not just success but also the failure that allows success to happen. P. J. O'Rourke on success
Staying married may have long-term benefits. You can elicit much more sympathy from friends over a bad marriage than you ever can from a good divorce. P. J. O'Rourke on sympathy
Let's reintroduce corporal punishment in the schools - and use it on the teachers. P. J. O'Rourke on teacher
I do have to travel a lot for speaking engagements. P. J. O'Rourke on travel
People will tell you anything but what they do is always the truth. P. J. O'Rourke on truth
The great thing about being a print journalist is that you are permitted to duck. Cameramen get killed while the writers are flat on the floor. A war correspondent for the BBC dedicated his memoir to 50 fallen colleagues, and I guarantee you they were all taking pictures. I am only alive because I am such a chicken. P. J. O'Rourke on war
There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible. P. J. O'Rourke on women