55 Quotes By Woody Allen

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Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.
Woody Allen on art

I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by two guys.
Woody Allen on car

I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
Woody Allen on change

I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
Woody Allen on death

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman?
Woody Allen on death

Marriage is the death of hope.
Woody Allen on death

On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down .
Woody Allen on death

It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
Woody Allen on death

I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.
Woody Allen on education

His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy.
Woody Allen on education

Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good.
Woody Allen on experience

It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
Woody Allen on experience

If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything very innovative.
Woody Allen on failure

Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must be a beverage.
Woody Allen on food

I will not eat oysters. I want my food dead. Not sick. Not wounded. Dead.
Woody Allen on food

The food here is terrible, and the portions are too small.
Woody Allen on food

I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
Woody Allen on funny

My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.
Woody Allen on funny

I failed to make the chess team because of my height.
Woody Allen on funny

I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
Woody Allen on funny