If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job. Woody Allen on funny
I think being funny is not anyone's first choice. Woody Allen on funny
If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans. Woody Allen on god
If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank. Woody Allen on god
As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on. Woody Allen on god
To you I'm an atheist to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition. Woody Allen on god
Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday. Woody Allen on god
Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good. Woody Allen on good
It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more. Woody Allen on good
I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own. Woody Allen on good
I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government. Woody Allen on government
I ran into Isosceles. He had a great idea for a new triangle! Woody Allen on great
Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boats. Woody Allen on home
Marriage is the death of hope. Woody Allen on hope
Seventy percent of success in life is showing up. Woody Allen on life
Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as far as meaningless experiences go its pretty damn good. Woody Allen on love
Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come in and sink my boats. Woody Allen on marriage
Marriage is the death of hope. Woody Allen on marriage
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons. Woody Allen on money
Right now it's only a notion, but I think I can get the money to make it into a concept, and later turn it into an idea. Woody Allen on money