It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper. Jerry Seinfeld on amazing
Well, all comedy starts with anger. You get angry, and its never for a good reason, right? You know its not a good reason. And then you try and work it from there. Jerry Seinfeld on anger
You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, 'See if you can blow this out.' Jerry Seinfeld on birthday
When I jumped off a roof in Cannes in a bee costume, I looked ridiculous. But this is my business I have to humiliate myself. Jerry Seinfeld on business
The first real thought that I had of something that I might do was to write for car magazines, because I always had a car thing. Jerry Seinfeld on car
I love being a dad. I just love it. Jerry Seinfeld on dad
Once you start doing only what you've already proven you can do, you're on the road to death. Jerry Seinfeld on death
There is no such thing as fun for the whole family. Jerry Seinfeld on family
A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it. Jerry Seinfeld on funny
It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper. Jerry Seinfeld on funny
Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV. Jerry Seinfeld on funny
The IRS! They're like the Mafia, they can take anything they want! Jerry Seinfeld on funny
I think it's funny to be delicate with subjects that are explosive. Jerry Seinfeld on funny
Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God's final word on where your lips end. Jerry Seinfeld on god
To me, if life boils down to one thing, it's movement. To live is to keep moving. Jerry Seinfeld on life
Marriage is like a game of chess except the board is flowing water, the pieces are made of smoke and no move you make will have any effect on the outcome. Jerry Seinfeld on marriage
Men don't care what's on TV. They only care what else is on TV. Jerry Seinfeld on men
The truth is, I had always wanted to be a comedian, but I really didn't have that kind of personality, and it's a terrifying thing to say. Jerry Seinfeld on truth
There's very little advice in men's magazines, because men don't think there's a lot they don't know. Women do. Women want to learn. Men think, 'I know what I'm doing, just show me somebody naked.' Jerry Seinfeld on women