Who in their infinite wisdom decreed that Little League uniforms be white? Certainly not a mother. Erma Bombeck on wisdom
I haven't trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I've never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex. Erma Bombeck on women
I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars. Erma Bombeck on women
Once you get a spice in your home, you have it forever. Women never throw out spices. The Egyptians were buried with their spices. I know which one I'm taking with me when I go. Erma Bombeck on women
Most women put off entertaining until the kids are grown. Erma Bombeck on women
Being a child at home alone in the summer is a high-risk occupation. If you call your mother at work thirteen times an hour, she can hurt you. Erma Bombeck on work
There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child. Erma Bombeck on christmas
Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence. Erma Bombeck on thanksgiving