Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight. Phyllis Diller on age
Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves. Phyllis Diller on age
Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight. Phyllis Diller on anger
My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes, cry, rant, and rave, and at the sound of the bell, simmer down and go about business as usual. Phyllis Diller on anger
Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight. Phyllis Diller on beauty
It's a good thing that beauty is only skin deep, or I'd be rotten to the core. Phyllis Diller on beauty
Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out. Phyllis Diller on best
My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes, cry, rant, and rave, and at the sound of the bell, simmer down and go about business as usual. Phyllis Diller on business
Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance? Phyllis Diller on funny
Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out. Phyllis Diller on funny
The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron. Phyllis Diller on funny
It's a good thing that beauty is only skin deep, or I'd be rotten to the core. Phyllis Diller on good
Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home. Phyllis Diller on home
Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going. Phyllis Diller on home
A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once. Phyllis Diller on men
There's so little money in my bank account, my scenic checks show a ghetto. Phyllis Diller on money
Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going. Phyllis Diller on parenting
A smile is a curve that sets everything straight. Phyllis Diller on smile
We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up. Phyllis Diller on teacher
The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron. Phyllis Diller on time