I must confess, I was born at a very early age. Groucho Marx on age
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx on art
Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now you tell me what you know. Groucho Marx on art
She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon. Groucho Marx on beauty
Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read. Groucho Marx on best
A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five. Groucho Marx on funny
I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member. Groucho Marx on funny
Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot. Groucho Marx on funny
All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats. Groucho Marx on funny
I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a good book. Groucho Marx on good
I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining. Groucho Marx on good
Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse. Groucho Marx on humor
Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms. Groucho Marx on intelligence
Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him. Groucho Marx on life
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made. Groucho Marx on life
The first thing which I can record concerning myself is, that I was born. These are wonderful words. This life, to which neither time nor eternity can bring diminution - this everlasting living soul, began. My mind loses itself in these depths. Groucho Marx on life
Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution? Groucho Marx on marriage
Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does. Groucho Marx on marriage
I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course. Groucho Marx on medical