I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage. Erma Bombeck on food
Like religion, politics, and family planning, cereal is not a topic to be brought up in public. It's too controversial. Erma Bombeck on food
Never order food in excess of your body weight. Erma Bombeck on food
A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat. Erma Bombeck on funny
Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving. Erma Bombeck on funny
Never have more children than you have car windows. Erma Bombeck on funny
When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'. Erma Bombeck on god
God created man, but I could do better. Erma Bombeck on god
Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated. Erma Bombeck on graduation
For years my wedding ring has done its job. It has led me not into temptation. It has reminded my husband numerous times at parties that it's time to go home. It has been a source of relief to a dinner companion. It has been a status symbol in the maternity ward. Erma Bombeck on home
Being a child at home alone in the summer is a high-risk occupation. If you call your mother at work thirteen times an hour, she can hurt you. Erma Bombeck on home
Once you get a spice in your home, you have it forever. Women never throw out spices. The Egyptians were buried with their spices. I know which one I'm taking with me when I go. Erma Bombeck on home
When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'. Erma Bombeck on hope
When humor goes, there goes civilization. Erma Bombeck on humor
There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt. Erma Bombeck on humor
When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'. Erma Bombeck on life
I haven't trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I've never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex. Erma Bombeck on life
One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child's name and how old he or she is. Erma Bombeck on life
Children make your life important. Erma Bombeck on life
For years my wedding ring has done its job. It has led me not into temptation. It has reminded my husband numerous times at parties that it's time to go home. It has been a source of relief to a dinner companion. It has been a status symbol in the maternity ward. Erma Bombeck on marriage